A Bubble of hate
I have recently felt as though I am surrounded by suffocating hate that seems to have consumed the world. I have even stopped to question if the Armageddon was upon us and if hell had come to swallow the earth. Have I just been blind and now I saw see the world for what it really is? Are people truly this hateful and malicious? I find myself scared to walk out my door for fear of getting shot by a random stranger for no reason. How do people go on living in a world where there is such distrust and pain? It is as if the beauty of life has been sucked from the world. We are surrounded by insecurity and sadness. Now I have never been one to believe that everyone should love each other. I believe that is just unrealistic. Is everyone equal? I think we are all born equal, but the choices that we make later in life decides are importance. Now that may offend some, but can you honestly say someone that peddles drugs to small children and someone who spends their time raising money to find a cure for cancer are on the same equal plane? I think not...
The main thing I want to touch on is the transgender bathroom. I have witnessed some of the most disgusting comments when it comes to this topic and has made me embarrassed to be apart of the human race. Example from a man I saw commenting on fb " If I see one of those freaks in my bathroom I will straight up piss on them". Let that sink in for a moment.... Now if you are with me you will think WTF! Now others are saying that they are all pedophiles and rapists? hmmmm how does that make sense? First off ladies you have stalls to go in for privacy and I also have a scary reality check for you.... Non transgenders are pedophiles and rapists too!!! GASP the horror! So here is the reality people those of you have a very strong opinion against sharing a bathroom with someone who identifies with the opposite sex makes you a homophobic individual.
I guess my point of the day today is that the world is full of enough horrible things, for example, the shootings. So why are we separating ourselves over such a small thing in the grand scheme of everything else that is happening? I am all about being apart of the solution and not the problem. So I know for my part I am not going to put people down for something I don't understand. I am going to bring kindness everywhere I can. I am not peoples judge, jury or prosecutioner. I am not perfect and I don't expect others to be either.
Living not surviving
Most of my life I have been in survival mode. I have chose to break those chains and live.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
A short bit on Friendship
Good
morning Bloggers!
The
last post I did on friendship really came from the heart because I truly believe
friendship to be very important. I have
been blessed with a friend that keeps me from drowning and always cheers me on.
She also gives me a big steaming cup of reality when I need it. We have a track
record of coming together and then drifting apart. It doesn’t matter how far we
drift we always sync back up.
There
is a lot of things I have learned from being blessed with such an amazing
friend. The first thing is that friendship takes time and self. That means when
a friend texts me I need to make it a priority to respond. Or if someone calls
me I need to make it a point to either answer or call them back. This is
probably the thing I struggle with the most. It is not that I don’t want to
talk to someone it is I look at it and decide to respond later and then end up
forgetting. I don’t make it a priority. That is how I end up losing a friend.
Another
thing that I have been taught is that it is not always about me. I need to put
my selfish hat away and listen. Friendships are give and take. Sometimes you
need to get your shoulder wet and sometimes you need to ask for one. Sometimes
people we care about go through something really difficult that can make you
uncomfortable because you can’t relate and don’t know what to say.
When I
terminated my rights to my son I was nineteen. Most of my friends were nineteen.
Most people that age cannot relate to that. I didn’t have many people to talk
to because nobody knew what to say. I was a mess and didn’t want to go on.
There was one person who did exactly what a friend should do in that situation.
They said nothing….. They held me and let me fall to pieces for as long as I needed
with no judgement and didn’t try to say the things that made it worse (“At
least you know where he is” or “at least you can still see him”). When I was
ready to stop breaking they asked what he could do to help. Sometimes silence
is the best way to help somebody.
This may seem like a short post
but I think the message is pretty clear and doesn’t need to be dissected any
more. Don’t be selfish if you care about your friendships. Learn to give and
take. And one big thing that I need to work on…. Answer my damn phone.
Labels:
choices,
friendship,
honesty,
hope,
life,
love,
Opinions,
positive,
relationship,
truth
Monday, February 8, 2016
What kind of friend are you?
We all have that one friend (or multiple) that make not the
best decisions. Whether it’s their health choices such as drinking all the time
or more of a moral choice such as cheating on their significant other. While
all this is happening we stand idly by while these people run their lives into
the ground. I am a culprit of this also. I have watched numerous friends of
mine be in relationships that are so blatantly damaging and sick and said nothing
or gave them what they wanted to hear. “Oh I am sure that he will change and
stop messaging other women” or “Maybe he was having a bad day (again) and it
will get better”. I give them a false reassurance that if they just stick it
out that it will get better. Then I watch them fall deeper and deeper into that
hole of low self-esteem and misery.
I do all this because I am afraid of losing their friendship
and not wanting to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong and lets be real, who
really likes confrontation? Still I watch these people post on facebook about
how horrible their lives are and nobody understands the pain they are feeling.
Then they get exactly what they want. Attention! They get the “It will get
better” or “I am so sorry you are going through this” or “you shouldn’t put up
with that” and it just feeds the victim machine and they keep doing it because
they are getting exactly what they want. They are like small children throwing
a fit and everyone that comments or eggs them on is like giving a small child a
cookie to stop them from screaming. They are going to keep doing it because
they are getting exactly what they want.
I am just going to come out and say it. You are not being a
good friend when you do this. You are promoting their toddler tantrums and
encouraging them to keep living in their insanity. You are not trying to lift
them up. If anything you are keeping them down. That is not being a good
friend. Supporting them when they are making bad decisions is not being a good
friend.
I had a friend that I really cared about but he drank all of
the time and was always getting into bar fights. He was slowly killing himself
and causing damage everywhere he went. I said nothing because sometimes he was
fun to drink with and I feared if I said anything that I would lose him as a
friend. So I just let him keep doing it and it got worse and worse. Eventually
he went to jail and sobered up. I am so grateful for that but I did nothing to
try to help him when he was out of control. He very well could have died and I
had just sat back and watched.
So the solution? It’s not easy. I am not saying go out and
find everyone on facebook posting “poor me” post and tell them to suck it up
sally. I am saying that when a friend comes to you and tells you that (for
example) their love life is on the rocks you actually be honest with them. By
giving them the “this will pass” speech you are cheating yourself out of an opportunity
to be a good person and a good friend. Yes they may be mad at you and it may be
really hard to be honest but at least you have said your peace. I am not saying
to tell them to leave that person because that is not your place, but telling
them “They cheated on you. That’s not ok and someone that loves you wouldn’t do
that. It was wrong and you should figure out if you want to be in that kind of
relationship”.
Or how about a friend that is always complaining about how
life is crapping on them? How about instead of saying “wow that sucks that life
is doing that to you” how about trying “what are you going to do about it and
how can I help?”. If they insist on doing nothing about it than that is their
choice and you don’t have to bring the cake to their pity party.
There are always exceptions. Such as a friend who just got
dumped. Let them wallow for a bit and be sad. Don’t go out and start being cold
to your friends because you don’t agree with how they live. All I am saying is
you don’t have to play into anything your friends choose to do.
What I do when I see someone continuously post about how
crappy their life is I ignore it. I don’t like it and I don’t respond to it. If
they come to me asking my advice I give them my honest opinion and they can
take it or leave it. I put it out there and it’s theirs to take it as they
please.
That’s what I have for you today. I hope it struck a chord
for some of you.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
How to recover from relationship Scars.
One of the hardest
things to do in life is to pick yourself back up after being in a relationship
that caused you a lot of emotional damage. Heart break is one of those things
in life that we all go through. Some heart breaks are bigger than others but it
doesn’t take away the fact that it can destroy your whole world and your whole
being.
I was with a guy for
two and half years and I knew from the beginning that he was covered in red
flags but I chose to ignore them and ignore my gut. You see this guy lied about
almost everything but his name. When we first began dating he had told me he
had been in the army and was deployed for a while and he was still struggling with
coming back. I had no issue with that. After a long time of calming him down
while he was having drunk PTSD episodes. I started to realize that a lot of his
stories didn’t make any sense. He also had nothing to show for being in the
army. I let it go for a long time because who really wants to excuse any one of
lying about something so big. I waited a year and a half to confront him about
it and when I finally did after one of our long and loud fights I gave him the
ultimatum to either tell me or I walk. He finally admitted that he had never
been in the army and it was all a big lie. I still chose to stay with him even
after that.
The whole time we
were together I would catch him in one lie right after the other. Where he had
been. What he was doing. Who he had been with. Most of these I didn’t even seek
out to catch him in a lie. It would either be him getting his stories mixed up
or someone would accidentally spill the beans. One of our biggest issues was him
with other women. I would find out he was messaging other women trying to get
naked pictures or trying to meet up with them when I wasn’t around. I remember
one time we had went out for some drinks and meeting a girl he went to high school
with that he was still friends with. I thought nothing of it until I got a
glance at his phone while he was next to me and saw naked pictures of her on
his phone. Even then I had felt I was in too deep to just leave him.
I became paranoid all
of the time. Everything he told me I had to question if it was the truth. Our
relationship became sicker every day. Every time I would try to leave (every
other week) he would physically stop me or threaten to kill himself and I would
be just too tired to even fight back. As time went on I became less and less surprised
when I would find out a lie or find out about another woman in his life.
After two and a half
years of this I had finally had enough. I found out that he had slept with a
woman I knew while we were together and that was the last straw. I felt a calm
come over me and knew that it was time to go. I managed to get out.
After some time of
being away from him I realized how damaged I actually was. My self-worth was
destroyed along with a lot of friendships I had given up for him. I truly felt
that there was something wrong with me for putting up with that for so long. So
I set out to rebuild my life. I started doing things I loved and building new
friendships and leaning on them for emotional support. I got a raise at work
and a promotion and really set myself up to be fully self-supporting. I am not
going to say it was easy because it really wasn’t. I was terrified to be on my
own. I even thought about going back to him a few times because it would be
easier. I sought out a therapist for a month and that really helped rebuild me
as a person.
I went on a few dates
afterword’s but didn’t really look for anything serious. After a few months of
healing a man stepped into my life who I had known for a few years. We got
together to catch up since it had been awhile since we had last talked. He
ended up asking me out on a date and I accepted. He ended up taking me on some
of the most amazing dates I had ever had. He treated me with respect and didn’t
try to rush into anything. After about a month and a half of dates he asked me
to be his girlfriend and I accepted.
I was scared to start
a new relationship but the spark I had with this man was too strong to ignore.
He didn’t stop trying to woo me even after I had become his girlfriend and he still
hasn’t. We have been together for about 6 months and it still feels like the
honey moon stage. He has been completely open and honest with me since the beginning
which is something I was not accustom to. It has been the complete opposite of
my last relationship. Every once in a while my paranoia creeps in and I have
that gross stomach feeling of what if? Or if he brings up a conversation he had
with another girl I have to remind myself that he is not my ex and I don’t have
to feel scared.
I am not saying that
this man has fixed me because I truly believe he would not be in my life if I hadn’t
taken the steps I needed to after my break up. If I had not learned how to
stand on my own two feet I would have never attracted a man as wonderful as
him. I do believe I will have scars from that relationship for the rest of my
life, but it is on me to realize and step back when I start to let it affect my
current relationship. I have also learned how to communicate my insecurities in
a healthy way. I don’t need to accuse and start a fight. I can calmly discuss
how I am feeling and why I feel that way and come to a solution even if it is
just getting a little reassurance.
I was going to give
you some statistics on cheating but to be honest in this situation it would not
be helpful at all. If anything it just raises more paranoia. You have to accept
that your scars will probably be with you forever and it is not on anyone else
to try to fix them. You are the only one that has control over your actions and
your attitudes. Don’t let old scars run your life. Remember that you lived through
those old scars and you don’t need to keep making more.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
A new Valentine's Day plan to ponder....
Since Valentine’s Day
is fast approaching and most are either excited to spend a day being in love or
dreading the idea of spending the day alone drowning their single sorrows in a
bottle of wine or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s or hell probably both.
I have lived in both worlds of the Valentine’s
Day drama. I have also fell into that unrealistic expectations of the day
(flowers, chocolates, teddy bears, balloons, candles, dinner, Jewelry…). All of
that “show me you love me stuff”. Yes of course that stuff is fine and dandy
and what woman or man would not like to feel appreciated for a day? We are
programmed to believe that this day should be a defining day for your
relationship (movies, ads, radio, books, commercials, TV shows).
I will admit that I
still do flirt with that fantasy of being treated like a princess for the day.
But I do not base my relationship on one day. 53% of women say they would leave
their significant other if they didn’t get anything on that day. It floors me
on how important it can be to some and how much pressure is put into it. No
wonder there are so many scorned men that hate this day. They have been set up
for failure. Don’t get me wrong I completely agree that you should celebrate
being in love for the day. But must it be so material? I am not saying that
people should completely shun the idea of buying something for your significant
other because there is nothing wrong with buying someone you love a present.
This day should be
icing on the cake not the whole bakery. Remember that your significant other is
not a mind reader and setting them up to do so would be you setting them up for
failure. If it is that important to you talk about it with them. Tell them
things you want (not dropping hints). Sure you may think this takes away from
the surprise of the day. In that case give them a few different ideas and let
them choose. Then ask them what they would like because remember a relationship
involves 2 people! Everyone is happy…
Communication is key people!
Now let’s touch on the
singles. I am no stranger to being single on this day. I have spent plenty of
time whining about the woes of being alone. It really isn’t the greatest on
this day. It can be very depressing….. If you let it. If you really want to
spend the day in your sweats feeling sorry for yourself then by all means
please do it. No judgment here. I have partaken in this sad ritual on numerous
occasions. It is a choice though.
If you are looking to
get out of that hole I have a few recommendations. First off wake up and make
yourself a nice breakfast. Take a nice shower. Get yourself done up a little
more than usual and venture out for the day. Have a shopping day or go to your
favorite book store. Or really anything that makes that strikes your fancy. Now
as you are doing this you may witness a couple here or there try to not do the cliché
rolling your eyes and thinking of how gross it is. Instead be happy for them.
Who are you to dam anyone else’s relationship? You would be drinking a poison
that is only damaging you. Your ill will has no effect on them. You are choosing
to make yourself miserable. Love is a beautiful thing and it will happen for
you if you let it. End your valentines
with a good dinner and remind yourself that being single is the perfect time to
be happy with you and being able to do whatever the heck you want to.
So in conclusion
whether you are single or alone don’t over think it and don’t invest your whole
wellbeing or your relationship on one day. Valentine’s will come and go and it
is your choice on how you choose to handle it.
Monday, February 1, 2016
The fear that ran my life.
I have always had one
paralyzing fear that I let take hold of most of my life and has truly affected
my life in some very sad ways. Driving… It has been my enemy for a very long
time. I avoided getting my license as long as I possibly could. I finally caved
and got it when I was 19. I was shocked they even gave me one. I studied and
studied but anyone can tell that I am terrified behind that wheel.
My fear of driving
was not helped by my first car. My first car was a death trap that I paid $300
for. Not only was there 100 things wrong with it. It was also a stick. I had to
learn how to drive it and it was absolutely terrifying. I even took it through
a brand new wood fence because I took my foot off the clutch while it was still
in gear. I still to this day don’t know how I managed to not die driving that
car. It liked to pull to the left whenever I touched the brakes (super fun on
the ice). If I hit the brakes too hard my seat would go back. Every turn I took
it would sound as if my tire would go flying. The last thing that was super fun
was the clutch that was going out. So needless to say my fear of driving just
got worse. I avoided driving every chance I got. I would only apply to jobs
that were 5 miles from where I lived and stayed in my own little bubble. I had
turned down countless jobs for the fact of being a too scary of a route to get
to.
After getting rid of
my death trap I had a few not as bad cars but I would still have full blown
panic attacks when I would hit the highway. For a long time I had made it work.
I lived 4 miles from my job and I didn’t have to hit the highway at all. I felt
like I had it made. In 2014 I managed to get a brand new car. Brand new!!! I
was in awe and slightly excited to feel less afraid by driving a car that had
no issues at all. Unfortunately that did not take away my fear. I still lived
and worked in my little bubble. And then my bubble popped. I broke up with my
ex and had to move. The only place I could find to live on such short notice
was 20 mins from my work and all highways!! I decided right then that I either
just needed to conquer my fear and just do it or find another job. I chose to
conquer. I drove every day to work clutching the steering wheel on the verge of
tears but I kept at every day and every day it got a little better. There are
still times where I just don’t want to drive and there are times I still get
scared on the highways. But everyday still gets better and I don’t let that
fear run my life anymore. That is a fear I never thought I would get over but I
have managed to break the hold.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Do you want a wedding or marriage?
Over the last few
years I have noticed that a lot of my friends are getting engaged. Most I have
been overwhelmingly happy for. It is something that should be celebrated! Love
is in the air. I love weddings and I love watching two people in love join in
such a serious commitment. The ones I have been truly excited for are the ones
who of course are excited about being a princess for a day but they truly glow
when they talk about being able to spend the rest of their lives with the
person that they love. The wedding is the second perk for them.
Then there are those
that the only thing they really are focused on is the wedding. What their dress
looks like… what kind of cake they will be eating… what the bridesmaids are
wearing… All of those things we dream of as little girls. That is all very
exciting stuff and I love hearing all of the details. It’s all very exciting.
But one thing that I can’t help but notice is them not talking about the most
important part of all of this. The marriage…. They seem completely oblivious to
what happens after the wedding. They are in this dream like state of being in a
white gown and the whole room staring at the beauty of them.. I don’t blame
them for that because let’s be honest what woman doesn’t want that?
Out of all of this
blissful happiness I have notice there is a difference between these women.
Some truly want to be married and live in the reality of what that means. Then there
are those that want a wedding and don’t seem to be aware that they are making
one of the biggest commitments of their life. All they see is flowers and
glitter. Not forever and always. One thing that made me notice this was I
almost did it myself. I was actually in a very sick relationship but I wanted a
wedding. I didn’t think about all of the responsibility that comes with it.
Thank God I woke up before I actually went through with it. I am not saying
that women that are really excited about their princess wedding don’t
understand that they are getting married also I have just noticed that some
have forgot that they are also getting married.
My point is if you
are wanting to get married to someone. Make sure you want to actually be
married and not just want a wedding.
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