One of the hardest
things to do in life is to pick yourself back up after being in a relationship
that caused you a lot of emotional damage. Heart break is one of those things
in life that we all go through. Some heart breaks are bigger than others but it
doesn’t take away the fact that it can destroy your whole world and your whole
being.
I was with a guy for
two and half years and I knew from the beginning that he was covered in red
flags but I chose to ignore them and ignore my gut. You see this guy lied about
almost everything but his name. When we first began dating he had told me he
had been in the army and was deployed for a while and he was still struggling with
coming back. I had no issue with that. After a long time of calming him down
while he was having drunk PTSD episodes. I started to realize that a lot of his
stories didn’t make any sense. He also had nothing to show for being in the
army. I let it go for a long time because who really wants to excuse any one of
lying about something so big. I waited a year and a half to confront him about
it and when I finally did after one of our long and loud fights I gave him the
ultimatum to either tell me or I walk. He finally admitted that he had never
been in the army and it was all a big lie. I still chose to stay with him even
after that.
The whole time we
were together I would catch him in one lie right after the other. Where he had
been. What he was doing. Who he had been with. Most of these I didn’t even seek
out to catch him in a lie. It would either be him getting his stories mixed up
or someone would accidentally spill the beans. One of our biggest issues was him
with other women. I would find out he was messaging other women trying to get
naked pictures or trying to meet up with them when I wasn’t around. I remember
one time we had went out for some drinks and meeting a girl he went to high school
with that he was still friends with. I thought nothing of it until I got a
glance at his phone while he was next to me and saw naked pictures of her on
his phone. Even then I had felt I was in too deep to just leave him.
I became paranoid all
of the time. Everything he told me I had to question if it was the truth. Our
relationship became sicker every day. Every time I would try to leave (every
other week) he would physically stop me or threaten to kill himself and I would
be just too tired to even fight back. As time went on I became less and less surprised
when I would find out a lie or find out about another woman in his life.
After two and a half
years of this I had finally had enough. I found out that he had slept with a
woman I knew while we were together and that was the last straw. I felt a calm
come over me and knew that it was time to go. I managed to get out.
After some time of
being away from him I realized how damaged I actually was. My self-worth was
destroyed along with a lot of friendships I had given up for him. I truly felt
that there was something wrong with me for putting up with that for so long. So
I set out to rebuild my life. I started doing things I loved and building new
friendships and leaning on them for emotional support. I got a raise at work
and a promotion and really set myself up to be fully self-supporting. I am not
going to say it was easy because it really wasn’t. I was terrified to be on my
own. I even thought about going back to him a few times because it would be
easier. I sought out a therapist for a month and that really helped rebuild me
as a person.
I went on a few dates
afterword’s but didn’t really look for anything serious. After a few months of
healing a man stepped into my life who I had known for a few years. We got
together to catch up since it had been awhile since we had last talked. He
ended up asking me out on a date and I accepted. He ended up taking me on some
of the most amazing dates I had ever had. He treated me with respect and didn’t
try to rush into anything. After about a month and a half of dates he asked me
to be his girlfriend and I accepted.
I was scared to start
a new relationship but the spark I had with this man was too strong to ignore.
He didn’t stop trying to woo me even after I had become his girlfriend and he still
hasn’t. We have been together for about 6 months and it still feels like the
honey moon stage. He has been completely open and honest with me since the beginning
which is something I was not accustom to. It has been the complete opposite of
my last relationship. Every once in a while my paranoia creeps in and I have
that gross stomach feeling of what if? Or if he brings up a conversation he had
with another girl I have to remind myself that he is not my ex and I don’t have
to feel scared.
I am not saying that
this man has fixed me because I truly believe he would not be in my life if I hadn’t
taken the steps I needed to after my break up. If I had not learned how to
stand on my own two feet I would have never attracted a man as wonderful as
him. I do believe I will have scars from that relationship for the rest of my
life, but it is on me to realize and step back when I start to let it affect my
current relationship. I have also learned how to communicate my insecurities in
a healthy way. I don’t need to accuse and start a fight. I can calmly discuss
how I am feeling and why I feel that way and come to a solution even if it is
just getting a little reassurance.
I was going to give
you some statistics on cheating but to be honest in this situation it would not
be helpful at all. If anything it just raises more paranoia. You have to accept
that your scars will probably be with you forever and it is not on anyone else
to try to fix them. You are the only one that has control over your actions and
your attitudes. Don’t let old scars run your life. Remember that you lived through
those old scars and you don’t need to keep making more.
